Here, I am.

Well, my stay in Cornwall has come to an end. Tomorrow, we’re leaving at around 9am to go to the Eden project for the day and then it’s a couple hour drive home. My stay here has been good. Not really had much time to think about things, or, rather, not had much me time apart from when I go bed. Not sure if, no. I think I’m sure. I dont think I feel better for it. But at least the 5 days I’ve been here have been productive. I’ve been very busy. I have the aches and pains to prove it! But only because I’ve been laying stagnant for almost a year and haven’t really done anything too taxing. Which I need to change. Sure, I’ve been active in my garden and that but it’s not strenuous stuff. Maybe I need a weight bench. 

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“Wetter than an otters pocket”

It’s going well. Been mostly-ish stable. I had a slight hiccup yesterday where I went from being in a good mood to a pretty foul one. I just went quiet. My resting bitch face doesn’t make things better either. I can be quite happy watching TV, for example, and I’ll look like I wanna kill somebody. I can’t help it, it’s just my face. But anyways, where was I? Yes. Quiet. So I spent most of last night in silence. Had myself a few tokes on my pipe and went bed. Thankfully today, I managed to pull myself out of my funk by around about lunch time. I was still quiet up to that point but not as much, I just felt a bit down. Lunchtime was also when 6 ton of aggregate turned up. That was genuinely fun. Wellies on, and get in the trench to help shovel this muck up so there’s a nice even layer to lay blocks on for a building. The driver of the cement truck was hilarious, from what I understood anyway. He had a thick cornish accent. I’m usually pretty good at deciphering what my mother and grandparents are talking about as they have proper thick Devonshire accents, but then again I am Devonshire too, so I guess that don’t count. But this dude was great. Friendly too. Said something along the lines of I’ll help you boys out and mix this shit watery, it’ll be water than an otters pocket! At this point I’ve had to stop and let him walk ahead with George as I’m creasing up. I had to compose myself. So yeah, toward the end of the day it’s been good. Even went out for a couple pints. Bit tipsy. Bit stoned. Aching alot. But content. I am quite content.

Thurs 10 Aug 

Today has been ok. It seems that as long as I can keep my mind occupied with some sort of task that’s either hard physically and/or mentally or something that I genuinely have an interest in, I can stay level headed. Where the challenge lays though is motivation. I’m not lazy, far fucking from it. It’s just that some days I have about as much motivation as a log. Oh, another challenge is keeping calm with myself. Like today for example; there’s a ride on lawn mower that I tried to fix. When I got to it, I turned the key and all there was was a click sound from the engine. Solinoid. Ok, I thought, battery is good, just needs a charge. I charge it. I go back with this battery, install it, turn the key and… silence. Solinoid didn’t even click this time. So I check everything, electrical plugs, spark plug, fuel, fuel tap, safety switches (the engine won’t start unless you’re Sat on it, disengaged the mower blades, and have it in neutral) which in the end I bypassed every one of them mother fuckers and the damn thing still won’t start. I know cars. I know engines. Went to college, even. Passed. But still it won’t start. So fuck it. I’ll probably go back tomorrow and it’ll be something really stupidly simple that I missed. I hope not though, to be honest. When I get pissed off or frustrated, like really frustrated, I tend to go quiet, withdrawn, and then depressed. Can’t seem to shake that pattern of behaviour either.

Wednesday 9 August 

Nice little road trip down to Cornwall today. It’s the furthest South I’ve been in England. It’s pretty nice out here. Lots of wide open spaces which is nice. No road noise. No seagulls here, either. Which is a big thing, don’t get me wrong, I love all living things but the seagulls are becoming too much recently. They’re making noise all the damn time, if one starts squawking up the coast the rest will follow, you can hear the cacophony slowly make it’s way towards you like some sort of angry, scavaging, ice cream stealing runaway train. Anyways, enough about the damn gulls. I’m in Cornwall for the next week or so, a little working holiday helping a mate out with his sister’s place. And it’s a nice a place, too. An old farm house with 4 fields. 3 are empty and one has two horses in it. I don’t really have much contact with horses. From what i gather theyre quite intelligent. And she’s a got a little spaniel puppy, which is cute as fuck. Great times. Got the Eden project to look forward to too. Plants! So yeah, it’s been a good day. 

Mon 7 August 

So, I got to the bank today, and I have to say that I’m so pleased with the member of staff I saw. I mean, I go in there with every type of letter, bill and scrap piece of paper that has my name and current address on it (I have no photo ID, at all) and she looks through this onslaught of paper, takes a few out and says that she’s ‘just gotta go see if these are acceptable’, and shuffles away in some side office. At this point I’m just waiting for her to come back and say they’re not enough. I’ve been to several other banks, and either wasn’t accepted because I’ve failed ID checks and or credit checks. None of them certainly didn’t make at least some of the effort the lady today did. Sure, I was waiting there for a few minutes but she at least had some advice for me after telling me my forms of ID wasn’t acceptable. So I’ve at least been able to make a phone call to try and get that amended, and then hopefully I can go back in there armed with my amended fistfull of paperwork and then happy days. All in all, it’s been a good day. My veg patch is kickin ass, too. And my avocado is growing… ’bout 4 inches tall now 🙂 

In fact, here’s some pics…

When I first started

It was a mess.

These are the latest pics…

Not very good pics, I know… So here’s some cats…

these two just like to hang out with me in the garden…
This one likes to bring me dead palm leaves

And this one just likes to stare at me disapprovingly 

That is all! Night 🙂

Sat, 5 August.

Last few days have been good. Got back on track with some long term goals. Making baby steps, but progress is progress and the Hare lost, anyway, right? Still having problems with the bank, incompetent fools. Sort that shit out on Monday. 

Aug 1, 2017, a thought for free.

D’ya wanna know something? I’ve had a wide variety of jobs, I’ve varnished cards, I’ve built fences, I built scaffolding, I’ve milked goats, I’ve grown organic veg, I’ve cooked fast food, I’ve even serviced cars, and helped keep game (pheasant), and worked tele-sales, ive been every kind of labourer, fitted kitchens, and was even a cleaner, there’s too many to mention… but the reason for this is simply because I’ve met, listened to and observed many people. The one thing most of these people had in common is the fact that they had started their current job simply because that’s just what they started doing, for example, roofing or building, or office work or car mechanic. I mean, hardly none of these people were really happy with their job, which for me personally has scared the shit outta me. It doesn’t matter how much money ya making. My happiness is priceless. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell don’t want to be stuck doin a job I’m not really interested in. That’s a living nightmare! Let’s face it, you spend most of your life working. So for fuck sake why not do what you love?! Sure, my life has been an absolute nightmare for me having a varied job history like mine, but I’ve learnt so much of what I like to call life skills. For me, knowledge is golden. Sure, I’m a master of no trade, but I sure as hell could get by on my fucking own if today’s society would let me… anyway, that’s a different story. But yeah, it’s been varied because it’s taken me a long time to figure out what I wanna do, partly because at the same time it’s taken just as long (and still on going!) To figure out who I am. There’s a lot of questions in life. I’ve had to figure out the answers for myself. No fatherly advice. No birds n bees. It’s been one hell of a curve, but there isn’t much I would change, if I could.